So lets rewind a bit with some apologies...I have not blogged in quite a while because we have had out of town company which has helped distract us a bit! A distraction we really needed, more than I can explain!
Even with all of the distractions around, our day basically goes the same everyday:
*Phone rings*: Jump out of my sleep to check the called ID...nope! Not this time. *Closes eyes and back to bed I go*
Wake up: Blink a few times, *Immediately check E-Mail with my IPad* which sadly I am getting used to the zero each morning. However I do perk up around the time that the agency sends us the recap for the prior month in which we were not chosen. Its mail!! Its energy...its progress but more than that, it is disappointment every single morning.
*Phone Rings*: Waiting for the voice caller ID "Solar Panels" echoes through my room...* I dig my head into my pillow and toss the phone in my drawer, closing it to block out the disappointment*
Turn over, give my puppy a hug and get up both up for the day *Head to the bathroom, pass the closed door to the nursery... to brush my teeth and see the bath tub reflect in the mirror which tail spins me into all of the times and toys that will eventually fill the tub*
*Phone Rings*: I run back to my room, jump over the bed, tossing the pillows aside before pulling open my drawer to find it was a family member.
*Head downstairs* Quickly sneak into the office to give Phil a good morning kiss and feed our puppy *thoughts of how our schedules will be so different flood in* Choose a healthy meal to eat.
*Log on the computer to do some work...but first, facebook* My timeline is full of all of the adoption groups I joined for support. No matter what time it is, someone is desperately pleading for advice, support...a baby. (I just opened my facebook and...my point was proven yet again!) or there is tons of wonderful stories of how they are waiting to pick up their child or the terrible stories of how they received a "disappointment"
*Go Shopping* : Triple checking everything at the register -that it is a necessity (Cookies ARE a necessity at times like this -at least they are vegan!) Examine how much it will cost because we have to try and save everywhere we can!
Exit the store:
Bump into so and so ...
Them: "SO hows the adoption going?"
Me: Great! Great! We are waiting still....
Them: "Oh really, how long has it been"
Me: Eh! Not too sure...around 9 months? ((Obviously I lied, I know how long it's been...9 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 4 hours, 30 minutes, 16 seconds...17...18...19))
or something like this will happen when Phil and I are together...
*Run into someone else (Happens more than you think!)
Them: "Hi!!!!!!!"
Us: "Hiii" *looks for the car in order to quickly escape the *question*
Them: "No baby yet, huh?"
Us: .....*Deep breath, heart sinks* Nope, not yet - hopefully soon!
Them: "Whats taking so long, you would be amazing parents?"
Me: *smiles and nods, swallowing the tears" We know...it takes time
*Heads to the car [insert crumbling into Phil's arms] then we spend about 20 minutes composing ourselves. We believe in this...we know this is the way its meant to be but honestly....Every single day is a disappointment.
Please don't think we feel this way all of the time when talking to our family and friends. We are emotionally able to have these conversations and we love and need your support - so never be afraid to ask questions, give advice or offer emotional support. We would be happy to take it, plus keep us in your prayers!
I promise the next blog will be more happy and we have tons of things to be happy about! We also had something amazing happen to us with the community we are apart of in secondlife (For those of you who don't know...its the "game" we are part of for the past 11 years)