Phil and I had been talking about what we want this blog to look like and well, it often feels more of the same. So let me just get this part over with - waiting is terrible! Our social worker for our home study said it best when she said "Waiting is emotional torture"! With that, we have been choosing to do our best to combat those feelings and boy oh boy, it is tough! Today while I was out, I just could smell the start of Autumn around the corner! It is the time when everything is about to change yet again. The leaves will start to adorn the trees with beautiful and cheerful colors, before falling. The cool weather will quickly blow in and it will be time for long sleeves, long walks, warming my cold hands on Phil's warm stomach *muhahaha* ;) and preparation for all the holidays!
The thorn in this season will happen next month as we count down to 2 years in waiting. That is surely a number we never expected to see but then again, I feel like most who enter into adoption, they start hopeful. We did. We thought we were going to be matched early and possibly adopt again at some point! This journey has been a lot longer than we expected and as strong as we have been, we have been terribly weak. I feel as if we normally write about the negative side to all of this. There is a reason behind it really - it is real and it is us.
So what are the positives of all of this journey? Well - we are trying to find some to cling to. Recently, we went to sit down with our Priest. We needed to ask him about his calling in life. We have found that many people cannot grasp the idea of being called to something. We are often met with innocent criticism from friends and strangers and at many times, I just want to give them a short answer so that we do not end up in a long conversation about "why we chose adoption". At times, if we just told them infertility - they would understand but we feel compelled to speak deeper into the truth.
We were simply called to adoption. There is not some long reasoning other than being called to it by God. Well, the moment you bring up God - then that allows for either two responses "I completely understand" or "Oh, that's nice/sweet or [insert any passive cute term so they do not have to speak about religion]". Well, as you could imagine - this has caused some problems for us. I really think innocently, they want to understand but they can't so they try to put it in their own terms in their head. I know that does not make complete sense but I honestly could understand a bit...as if someone told me "I quit my six figure job and become a clown"...I would too nod my head and feel nothing is wrong with what they chose, but I probably could not fully understand it on their level.
Getting back on track...we met with our Priest after Church and Phil and I discussed with him how lost we felt, how we didn't understand why we are having such a long wait, since we were called to adoption. We explained how we had trouble explaining the concept to being called. I knew of all people, he would understand - and he did. He explained how he went through adversity and questioning from even the closest of family and friends of why he didn't just become a [insert any job, he heard it all]. His presence itself was calming for us because in that moment - we knew we were not alone in this. He then asked us to look at this journey as a pilgrimage.
"A pilgrimage is a journey or search of moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith, although sometimes it can be a metaphorical journey into someone's own beliefs. Many religions attach spiritual importance to particular places...or to the place of their calling".