Perhaps besides the waiting, the anticipation may be worse! I get these moments that I feel like it will be soon and then I immediately remember how over the course of the past 17 months, I had that feeling way too much. Each time it disappointing as I counted the next month come in. I wonder when it will be our turn.
We are so tired by the despair, the unanswered questions, the what if's and what can we do's. With good intentions, everyone says the same thing over and over again. "Pray!!!", "I had a dream about your baby...", "I have a feeling....", "In God's time" etc. I wish each and every person was right about it! It surely gives us a few minutes of those butterflies of 'maybe they are right!' but that quickly leaves. It is like no matter how much hope, how much prayer, how much patience, it never is getting easier. I read my blogs back and shake my head because I never thought a year, year and a half..etc.. we would still be waiting. I am not sure why it is taking this long but a good part of me is still hanging on the thought that we will completely understand eventually. It seems to be happening for everyone around us in the adoption world. I just hope and wonder, that it will happen very soon! If not, I pray that our desire lessens for a bit, so that we can see there is a light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel. I wish that for everyone involved in adoption.